This Week In Posters: Dazzling Character Posters Galore

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This week in This Week In Posters, we begin with Blindspotting, which is basically a visual explanation of the title. Very cool. I’m assuming the film is just a montage of a bunch of these? Wait, no, it seems to have actors and stuff. I guess it’s, like, a metaphor or whatever.

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I can’t really tell what she’s holding, but that’s a strong tagline. Is this a Bad Moms spinoff? I can’t tell what’s part of the Bad Moms expanded cinematic universe anymore.

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Christopher Robin… Winnie the Pooh… a briefcase… wait, I think I’ve got it! It’s about Winnie The Pooh showing up in now-grown Christopher Robin’s life to create havoc. Kind of a reverse Drop Dead Fred situation. Or actually, I guess that would just be a regular Drop Dead Fred situation.

“A working-class family man, Christopher Robin, encounters his childhood friend Winnie-the-Pooh, who helps him to rediscover the joys of life.” [IMDb]

Ooh, do you think Christopher Robin is a workaholic, and Pooh teaches him to lighten up? I’m picturing Pooh throwing Christopher Robin’s Blackberry into a body of water while Christopher Robin yells “My whole life was in there!”

Anyway, good poster. We got all of that from a simple image. Also, be advised, Christopher Robin and Goodbye Christopher Robin are two different movies.

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Okay, I’m intrigued. I like that “V”s are the devil and “T”s are crucifixes. One interesting note: I’m so used to meaningless and nonsensical horror movie taglines (“Inspired by true events!”) that I had to check IMDb to see if “the real thing” actually meant it was a documentary. Apparently, in this case it does.

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This batch of Ghost Stories posters is truly inspired. Who knew you could do this much with the giant eyeball horror cliché?

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This might be the weakest of these, but it’s still decent. Odd framing counts for a lot. It’s still weird to me that “Whitehouse” is a last name.

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Are those trees in the background of eyeball veins? You decide.

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Ah, more antlers. Antlers are good. They really tie a horror movie poster together.

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Most of these posters take a flat image and tilt it sideways to create movement, this one just uses depth of field and it looks much cooler. No clue what it’s about though.

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Is the Grinch having sex with that dog? Anyway, if you can’t reboot an animated film as live action, reboot a live-action film as animation, I always say. Whenever I see Grinch stuff now all I can think about is how Jim Carrey gave the makeup artist a nervous breakdown.

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Is that EPCOT? Is this movie about spheres? Who’s the shirtless guy who looks like a young John Krasinski? I’m left with many questions.

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I normally hate the “heads inside of words” style posters, but I think it works for Hurricane Heist. Only fitting that a movie about shit flying everywhere would have a poster full of shit flying everywhere.

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Kings? More like the Kings of Sleepytime, am I right? Anyway, pretty bold to have Halle Berry and Daniel Craig in the movie and not put them in the poster.

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Wrestling mask, swastika-face guy… lot going on in this poster. Also, is that… William Forsythe as Scarface at the bottom there? He already played Jake LaMotta, so maybe this is a thing for him now, like a cinematic tribute band. Unless it’s just a guy made up to look like William Forsythe as Scarface, which would be next level. What are the chances of this actually being a “worthy successor to Pulp Fiction?”

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Speaking of shit flying everywhere, here are some Pacific Rim: Uprising posters. Are the skyscrapers built on a mountain range? What is the horizon line here?

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This is like a visual representation of those “schwing” sound effects from that Robert Palmer song. (This might be my oldest reference.)

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Ooh, is this the gazelle bot? This one looks graceful. Who wants to bet this robot has a pretty lady driving it?

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This makes me wish there was an S&M version of Pacific Rim. Pacific Rimjob, say.

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“If they hear you, they hunt you.” So in other words… don’t breathe?

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Holy sh*t, is that a giant mutant crocodile with boar tusks? Bitchin.

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Lot of work out there for the CGI guy who specializes in skyscrapers with chunks removed these days.

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Oh man, is this a whole series of character posters dedicated to fabulous dogs? It must be my lucky day.

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Well this tagline really wrote itself, didn’t it? I also love that Gabriel Iglesias has taken to using his most famous bit (which is kind of just a ripoff of Cartman, but whatever) as a nickname, which feels like a new level of desperation. All comedians should have to do this. Jim “Hot Pockets” Gaffigan. Dane “Itchy Asshole” Cook. Jerry “Have you seen this? Have you heard about this?” Seinfeld.

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I just want to see dogs doing stupid stuff and I feel like this movie is going to be too contrived. I need authenticity in my dog comedy. Dog in a sweatshirt with human hands? Gold. CGI cucumbers? Not so much.

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This picture is so unrecognizable as Natasha Lyonne that at first I thought she was the voice of the dog. That would be great if they had just listed the voice of the dog and ignored the human actress.

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“Agent Chew Toy.” I admit, I don’t even get this one. Is that a play on words?

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Yes. Ludacris as a badass rottweiler in aviator shades is what I’m here for.

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“Barkilicious?” Come on, man, Fur-galicious was right there. At least we know Natasha Lyonne isn’t playing the dog now.

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Here is the first of a big batch of Sorry To Bother You posters, all of which are pretty strong. Poster-wise, it feels like the black Free Fire.

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Aw come on, I want to know what his shirt says. I guess this is a tease.

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Phew, I’m so much more comfortable with Armie Hammer playing a tool than a sex symbol, so this is nice.

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So the other guy I don’t even get to read his shirt, but Tessa Thompson gets earrings with full sentences?

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Is there someplace I can buy these shirts?

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Well at least we can read Danny Glover’s shirt, that’s nice.

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Is Tery Crews holding… a giant crucifix? What is that?

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Jeez, the movie has a great cast, we get it already. I would bet the house on Lakeith Stanfield winning an Oscar in the next 10-15 years.

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Here’s a poster for Strangers Prey At Night, or as I liked to call it, The Purge: The Day The Clowns Died.

Does anyone else get incredibly depressed about the prospect of a Tomb Raider reboot? I understand that name recognition counts for a lot, but… is a crappy video game from the ’90s and a crappy franchise from the early aughts really that valuable of a name? WHERE DOES IT END, PEOPLE?

 

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