Add ‘Monkeys With Herpes’ To The List Of Horrible Things In Florida

Oh Florida, you’re by far our worst state. From drunk ladies pleasuring themselves on their arresting officers to sign language interpreters talking about pizza bear monsters, every story we hear about you makes us not want to go Florida. Also, Donald Trump spends all his time there. Basically, ever since Mia Khalifa moved back to Texas, there’s no reason to set foot in Florida.

If you needed another reason to avoid Florida, well, what if I told you it’s teeming with monkeys infected with a deadly strain of herpes? Yes, not only are there feral monkeys running around Florida, but they’re carrying a communicable disease that’s harmless to them but potentially deadly to humans, which sounds both very bad and very familiar.

Per the Verge:

After the initial [Herpes B] infection, the virus hides out in the animal’s nerves, flaring up only when the monkey gets sick or stressed. When it does, the monkey can become contagious, secreting the virus in its spit, pee, or poop. That’s how the virus can spread to people. In humans, herpes B causes a devastating brain disease that the CDC says is deadly about 70 percent of the time — especially without treatment.

Okay, so these little monkeys are running around and spreading Herpes, and they’re an invasive species, not native to Florida. Clearly we can do what it is we do with harmful, invasive species and remove them from the environment, right?

By 2012, 1,000 rhesus macaques had been trapped and removed before public outcry stopped the control effort. (People sure love furry, feral, ecosystem-endangering mammals.) At last count in 2015, some 175 macaques were living in Silver Springs State Park.

See, this is why everyone hates you, Florida. But I guess it’s not like they’re choosing to save this dangerous, disease-ridden animal over keeping their own children safe, right?

The wild monkeys also poop everywhere, Wisely says, so there could be plenty of chances for exposure that way. “To be honest with you, we found feces on children’s slides, and in the playground,” she says.

Yeah, okay, Florida. We keep giving you second chances and you keep disappointing us. It’s like your state is a movie based on a DC Comics property. South America, take it away.

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